I'm the girl i fear the most

ok big problem. Like hurricane big. Have you ever believed you could love someone at my age?
I'm the dweller as i said in my last post. i'm the girl who dwells on the past without noticing it. I have denied it over and over agian but this time....I have realized the truth. The real truth. The horrid truth.

Huh where do i begin...When i was in the sixth grade i was at the bottom of the food chain. I had one cute boy who really liked me, but he had a girl. So i looked somewhere else. I had to look somewhere else. I had a friend named Dario who came to camp with me and then i find out we go to the same school. so i start hanging out with him. I didn't like him but his friend...He was a different story. He was tall, decent, and really nice. Almost shivalrous if you will. I started to crush on him hard. Then so did my friend Atiyana. Now throughout my days at this school i have noticed that Atiyana is a very trustworthy person when she wants to be.

So one day i decided to let Atiyana have Devin because....I don't really know. honestly I let him go for a period of time. I hooked her up with Devin. The guy I liked (emphasis on the I). They both liked each other for 2 days then Devin broke up with her on the second day after school. Deep down inside I wasn't sorry. She knew I liked him. It was like she didn't care about my feelings when it came to Devin. Somehow he got my phone number and called me that same night. I was still a little mad at him for breaking up with her though. We talked about it for 2 hours straight. I was trying to figure out what was going on inside his head. I wanted to know why he had broken up with Atiyana. The next day he called me afterschool again. He told me why he broke up with Atiyana. He said it was because he liked me. Now the part that I kinda left out is the fact that Devin and I attend the same church. He would flirt often when he called me, yet he didn't say anything to me in school. We both knew why yet we never said it out loud. I stopped giving in to his games. i didn't want to hurt Atiyana like that. I remember sometimes he would text me saying that he was going to kiss me in church. I'm sorry I don't want to get religious and all but I would feel so unholy if i kisses in God's house. I wouldn't feel right, honestly.

Then at school we had a social. It was basically a dance where all the sixth graders danced on each other and ate food. Devin asked me numerous times to dance with him, but me...I smiled and walked away to my friends. I am a shy dancer when I am around people who want to destroy my "rep". So when they played what they now called my song (by t-pain and flo rida-Low) I really did get low, if you know what I mean. Everyone was suprised to see me dance like a music video girl. But frankly it was a one time thing and i just wanted to show off in front of Devin. He was so stunned that when I left I had to make a little scene. So i hugged him and strutted away. I had to leave a mark. lmao.

Then Christmas came. Last year i danced at my church's Christmas Eve midnight mass. Boy do i love to dance. I had fun chillin with the girls who danced with me. While I was preparing myself for the dance. My mother alerts me that Devin has arrived. She only knew Devin because somehow she called my mother angry that I had been flirting with him. Which was so not the truth because it was only a one way street, and that street was him. All him. But she decided to warm up to me seeing that Devin REALLY did like me. I got so nervous. I knew the only reason he came was for me. I had to look my best. I put on make-up for him. Just so he could see me. I never wear make-up for anybody except family. Which he apparently wanted to become a member of mine. Ha like that was going to happen. And so i danced, then i listened to the rest of the mass. At the end i scurried into the dressing room to get changed before he left. I quickly got dressed and walked outside. Everyone was leaving but, he was waiting for me with his cousins. As I approached them one of them called me an ugly disease. My jaw dropped, and self-consious me walked away immediately. He tried to come after me but i walked to my car and drove away without saying a word. Ofcourse i went slowly so he could watch gorgeous me walk away on Christmas. The joyful time of year.

The next morning I wake up happy and excited to spend time with my family. Unfortunatley Devin harrased me with sorry words and with Christmas wishes. I texted him back saying happy holidays but nothing more. I noticed i really still did like Devin. A whole lot.

On New Years super early morning i get a call from Devin and his cousins. His cousins apologize to me and so does he. Automatically i forgave him. He got his cousins to apologize to me. And they really meant it. That's when I knew that I really, positivly, absolutely liked Devin. No ifs, ands, or buts. So then we started going out.We talked waaayyyy to much on the phone and txted like there was no tomorrow.

Then February came. Which meant......drum roll please......Valentine's Day. I was so nervous. I had no idea what to get him, so i got the one thing everyone likes. A stuffed animal. It was a dog that held a heart that said be mine. I thought it was frikin adorable. When Valentine's Day was here I thought that dog was crap, becuase he got me a teddy bear, chocolates, a ring with a fake emrald, and a peom he made all on his own. I was stunned beyond belief. Never before had a guy given me so many things besides my father, but even he wouldn't give me all that at once. Devin was shy when he gave me this which made it all the more cute. All my friends were jealous because none of them got anything. Not a single thing. I felt sorry for them yet at the same time i couldn't help but flaunt my new items. Oh and I ate every single piece of chocolate in art class, within ten minutes. It was a great day. I felt bad that the dog was all i got him though. I didn't know we were that "serious".

After that everyone knew we were "going out". some people disapproved but i didn't give a flying purple people eater. Honestly I only cared about how we felt about each other. Until one day I lost that feeling all together. It just dropped. Well it didn't necesaarily happen that way. I was noticing he was afraid to talk about our "relationship" if that is what you should call it. I then started to loose intrest....To be continued :)



♥cherry. le. fait. said...

wow! this is very involved and intense what you have going on with this fellow. it seems as if there is definitely something worth noticing there..

mariposa said...

Wow, that whole thing sounds a bit complicated - but it definitely held my attention all the way through :)

Btw, in response to your comment: you're welcome & thanks :)