Update..cont.

im currently: cryinq my eyes out [11:04 pm]


as i was sayinq. the last day of school turned out to be a bad day. at first nisaiah nd i seemed 2 be doinq the friend thinq ohk. Then all of a sudden he stopped talkinq to me. i didnt want to invade his personal space so i just left it alone. i took the train home with the smut (monee) and atiyana my bestiie. nd not 2 mention nisaiah taqqed alonq. but i think he only came 4 monee. he wasn't talkinq at all. neither was monee it was akward bcuzz atiyana nd i were qoofinq around beinq loud nd they were juss dead silent.
nd when it was me nd atiyana's stop i didnt even hear him say bye 2 me once i said it. my soul almost crushed into a little ball. i thouqht we were friends. even tho i hoped we could still be somethinq more deep down inside. as atiyana was walkinq me home. we poured our hearts out about those stupid old boy problems we had. but there was nothinq either of us could [or so we thouqht] bcuzz it was the last day of school. there would be a whole 'nother 3 months until we saw them...nd riqht b4 atiyana nd i parted i told her i was qoinq to cry when i qot home. then i was qoinq 2 take a nap.
later on that same day i packed my clothes nd qot ready 2 qo to cierra's house.

im qoinq 2 try 2 finished the next post buht riqht now i cnt even think. im cryinqq 2 much. hopefully 2mmr ill have a better shot. nd ill let u guys noe why im cryinq. juss know it has 02 do with nisaiah.

↨♥☻BrOUGht To yOu BY bordeM lAnd☻♥↨

Update.! on my life

its been months...i know
I've qrown a lot since i last posted. thinqs have chanqed buht all for the better. i haven't had time 02 bloq.! i miss all of you nd thanks 02 all my followers.

I am currently in an akward relationship with a boy named Nisaiah. Juss like isaiah with an N. We have been throuqh some touqh times. we have been on and off since like 3.10.09. im in love♥. atleast i think.lolss. buhht ive never in my life ever felt this way about a boy b4. i miqht have said this before buht this is so uhmazinqly different. he miqht juss be special.
well juss last niqht we had another problem. when we had our most recent break up 02daiis b4 the last daii of skool. he kissed some qirl named Skye. i qot ova iht the same day it happened. i didnt care cuzz we technically weren't qoinq out at the time. We broke uhp cuzz he was flirtinq with other qirls on this [conference] call that a lot of us had. he flirted wiff 02 qirls. monee[smut] nd taylor[old friend]. smh. i juss called him nd told him iht was ova. 02 meh there was nothinqq 02 really talk about bcuzz he had been cauqht doin somethinq sleezay. he thouqht he was slick buhht i was on the phone the whole time.
the next day he moved on to skye. some qirl who could be pretty buhht he mouth bothers meh.! she had liked him since they were in seventh grade.[he has been leftback so he is older than meh]. they kisssed in the stairwell at my friends house. we had been cuttin the last week of skool at his house. buht the very last day of skool we went. when iFound out i didnt really care. i kept about my business. cierra thouqht i should talk 02 him. so she called him into the hallway nd made me come out after him. he told ppl i asked him back out buht i swear 02 god i didnt. no crosses count. i asked him why he didnt juss tell meh he liked monee nd taylor.smh. his pride seemed 02 block his view at that point.
that same niqht conroy nd avery called meh. conroy[roy] is my fake sista cierra's boyfriend. nd avery is juss a friend. they are both in the 8th qrade nd are qood friends with nisaiah. they asked me a whole bunch of questions i felt were unecessary buht i answered them anyway. i knew nisaiah was on the line so i answered them wisely nd with full truth. then roy pretended that he hadn't been on the line the whole time nd called him. we arqued a lot buht in the end of that conversation we decided 02 be friends. wierd riqht.?!
the next day was thee last day of school. i qot dressed in reqular clothes nd met uhp with cierra so we could enter the school 02qether. on my way 02 meet her i saw deon nd nisaiah about 02 enter the school. i waved 02 the both of them nd ran 02 cierra so we could qet in the skool asap. most of everyone was in reqular clothes when we arrived in the cafteria. all the students that had on reqular clothes had 02 stayt in the cafeteria until report cards were distributed. i chanqed in the bathroom into my flip flops. i took the shirt that covered my tank top off 04 a second nd cierra took it nd ran from meh.! i was mahd. cuzz the tank top showed off characteristics that i dnt normally show off. especially in front of classmates.! personally my chest is kinda biq. buht that doesnt mean i would want 02 show iht off at all.! buhht i had nothinq 02 cover myself so i had to wear the tank top. nd when nisaiah saw meh in the hallway his eyes lit uhp. nd i almost blushed.! how can i blush...lolss i thouqht i was completely ova him buht i wasn't sadly.
when skool let out 04 the last time b4 the summa it was about 11:45 i believe. thass when we had our lil water fiqht. i had like 2 poland sprinq bottles buht that was iht. i qot soaked 02 the underwear. i qot hit with water balloons nd splashed with opponents water bottles.

02 be continued....

i missed postinqq my unbelievebly odd stories...lolss

Can you really label this?

creating the new beggining isn't so hard. my goodness i think i just finihsed reading one of the best books i have ever read. anyway im not going to keep my other blog. i've given it a lot of thought and i don't have time. can you believe that?! my young life is being filled with no time. Ok since i have blogged in a couple days i have exciting news....eeeppp!!! guess who larry is now associated with ever since he dumped stephany....you got it ME! when he told me they were through i went ballistic..i wanted to bounce of the walls. so he asked me if i would take her place blazay blahhh...ofcourse i said yes! I am so excited....now we're meeting up soon. i don't wanna take any of my friends but then again cierra could be a huge help...omgeeshhh i can't wait to see him. im just......speechless about this whole situation :-D. Me and Larry....*sigh* please pinch me if im dreaming. ok so so so so so so i will post later but im headed straight to school right now. I'm so freaking ready to go to school for some odd reason...just for the social life i am now in complete control of!!!

brought to YOU by BOrdem land

{EXPLAIN}

LETS SEE......i can't explain. to be so torn is like being flat out broken our ripped apart by 2 things. thats not even the full definitio of it all. no its not fair at all. Heck no...the way i see nothinqq in this wolrd is ever fair. i hate pretending. lying just sucks.....words can't explain....nothinq can explain....im being thrown in a rushing river of confusion looking for explaination....i wish i was the only one but we all suffer...we all suffer at some point..my mom just got off the phone with one of her good friends. her mother has died and she is broken.she was crying so badly. i hurt to listen to what my mother was telling me...you know sometimes i wonder if it ever gets better. if the pain goes away. i am lucky compared to some people...i might not always feel like it but i sure am. i haven't had anyone close to me die yet. the new and the old people in my life are all still her...if i could ever keep it that way forever i would...but i noe some are going to have to go...it breaks my heart to think about the horrid future and the good future...but is there really a difference?? the only people who could tell and explain that to me are the ones who have already lived their life. i wish i knew the truth. then again sometimes i don't....sometimes i like the anticipation and the waiting...what if i want to be suprised like i will have to be? i could go any way. and im not scared...so many i scared to die..me i am ready and waiting but even as i wait i live the life that i want to....maybe not everything goes as planned but the bad always lead up to the good. things have to look up in some wierd way. it might not be the way you wanted it but you don't always get what u want....that part isn't hard to believe at all.

{CONFUSED}...not really

I'm sorry. This girl can't help it. This girl really can't help it. I'm ending this..watchamacallit with Malik hopefully tonight. I have a new goal. And that goal is to try not to piss off my sister. No thats not really my goal. I'm have plenty of time to search for that. But today i decided to umm....talk about someone else's problems. For once this post will have nothinqq to do with me. HERE GOES NOTHING

My friend (can't mention names) likes a boy. She is a girl so don't worry that's not the wierd part. The boy is handsome to her. They have dated before but broke up for reasons unknow to man. My friend still has feelings for this character. For some reason she still has a strong attraction to him because there break-up wasn't all that serious. They just decided out of the blue. But she also has her heart set on another boy she dated but broke up with him for the boy i just mentioned. She has never met the first boy to this day. They had a "Phone Relationship" for quite some time. She promised him once they broke-up that when she met him if she believed he was cute she would get back with him. But for now she remains single....Or atleast from what I know. But i think she would tell the truth to me because we are the closest out of any of our other friends. I trust her enough for her to tell me the real truth.

Whoosh...Your life is gone

In a second. In a heartbeat. It takes no longer for DEATH to consume you. It can even take a shorter time. I don't want to dwell on death but i believe it is worth discussing. Not all people live to their hundreds and 90s. But we all no this. What i really want to say is LIFE is too short to let it walk right by you. You have to grasp every moment in LIFE or else....You see what i am saying. Live, Love, Laugh. My three Ls that i will stand by for the rest of my life. These three things are essential to me. Through whatever i go through. Even when someone or something can't be there for me. My three Ls will be there figuratively speaking.

No school for me today. I remain bored. Well that's if I do the work. I didn't go to school becuase i tricked my mom into letting my stay. I pretended to be sick so i could clean my room and finish my break work so i wouldn't fail. Yesss..Now i will get all my work done no problem!!!! :-D. It's funny how at the age of thirteen i still have that little kid magic. Well I'm off to do my work.

Facebook: Denise Lee
Myspace: www.myspace.com/themademwithswag



BRouGHt tO You By bORdeM LanD◘♠☻♣☺☻♥

BAD GIRL!!!

hurt.pain.ya i cause it so what?! Ok angry...no im not angry. I;m incredibly bored though. so i decided to put up a bad picture of myself....Sorry to those who expected better. Ever felt like you just want to let loose and roam free. Away from conflict and just staright happiness. to be honest i don't. Even though it is a nice idea....it's not for me. See here is the BIG PICTURE!!

BIG PICTURE: Without conlfict or mistakes or anything bad....we wouldn't learn how to deal. Maybe if the world was all good we wouldn't need to deal. Everything would just flow nicely. This isn't it. Not at all. This is the exact opposite from peaceful...ok now im starting to get angry. Here's why...We spend all our time complaining about handbags and expensive things and things that really don't matter. WHY?! There are people being killed for their race. There are people starving out there and we just sit back and let the world crumble before our eyes. I know how you feel. You probably thinking...SHE DOES THE SAME THINg...I'm reall ashamed of it though. I regret being greedy and selfish because we have to understand some of us are really lucky. Some of us aren't.....Just chew on that for a second as i move to my next topic that leaves so many questions as all my others do.

MESSAGE TO MOUTH:Sometimes don't u get sick and tired of TALK. TALK....talk...sometimes i wonder why our creator gave us mouths. WHY? We talk so much. We say hurtful things as much or even more than we say the good. we say things that don't make sense. we say the wrong thing to the wrong people. Sometimes i feel having a mouth is like carrying a good and bad curse.

BORED: I'm really supposed to be doing school work.Supposedly. I just can't stop blogging. It's like a craving. Kinda like myspace can be some what addictive :D.

BROUGHT to YOU by BOREDEM land

My Egyptian Lover

Again the title has nothing to do with te post. It is a song i am sooo in love with. It is by DJ Spacecowboy ft. Nadia. Listen to it!! As i always do when i pay my visits to bordem land i have to do something out of the ordinary.

See here is the thing:

The thing. The most undescriable word. Honestly i hate/love the word thing. Its bland yet says so much. It leaves open space for any idea. No matter how big or how small. But it's just a word right??? How am i supposed to know?!Thing could mean anything. Thing could be anything. You see how confusing it is. If you really think about it THING is anyTHING.

OK....i changed my mind. I dedicate "MY EGYPTIAN LOVER" to larry (as said in my old post). Yea so what he's not Egyptian....but if you listen to the song you'll see what i mean. Now for the dream sequence or part of the post about my old dream.

Dream 1: There is a crowd with thousands of people. I am focused on the only thing that is running past me. It's larry oddly enough. He is staring dead at me. I'm staring back. And for a while we just stare at each other. Then through all the pushing people he extends his hand to me. I stare at for a second then give him my hand. Then we push through the crowd the opposite way that they are running. Then i wake up.

Dream 2: I'm sitting down on a carpet. A leg moves over my head. I look up to see Larry laughing at me. He says hello and i gasp to see it's him. He laughs a little more and then pulls out a newspaper. I'm on the cover! It is a picture of me pulling my head out of a barrel of water. My hair ad my face are all wet. My hair lifts the water so delicately and with such grace it looks like an excellent piece of photography (just the way i like it). He laughs a little more and then i awake.

Those 2 dreams i really did dream. They happened about a few days apart last month. Last month i wasn't able to post them because i had been away from blogger. But as you can see...I think it might be fate for Larry and I to be together. I think about him...he thinks about me. But there are things stopping us which brings me to rethink what i thought b4. Maybe fate ha othe ideas for us from what we want. Maybe we have to want it more than we already do. There are so many possibilities in life...and not enough time to live them. Don't dwell on something when you have your whole life ahead of you. There are somethings you have to let go of. No matter how much it hurts you inside. That's the part that really sucks.

THE LAST DAY OF CAMP: I had it all planned out that last day. I was going t slip my number into Larry's bag at the end of the day when he wasn't looking. That way when he opened it he would be able to call me after camp. My plan was foiled when he didnt come that last day. I was so disapointed but i kept it moving. There were other people i had to say good-bye to as well.

See life doesn't always go as planned.You better embrace it. You have no other choice.

Brought to you by BOREDEM land

Hurumphhh!!!

No it's happening again. I'm torn between two boys. One i shouldn't even have feelings for honestly. Larry has a girlfriend. No matter how many times i try to remember i wind up flirting and doing things i shouldn't. Be glad it's just over AIM. I am scared to think about what i would do if it was face to face. Then there's Malik. The boy i have never seen/met b4 in my life. He is a boy i have talked to over the phone numerous times. We e-mail each other and talk for hours. He is a giant sweetheart. Malik is the cousin of Tyler a boy i used to "go out" with. Tyler is actually in my class as well and sits next to me in math. But how the heck can i take this relationship forward if i never met the guy and i've only spoken to him. I'm trying not to lose my mind over here but come one!!! Why do these things happen. It makes sense but then again it doesn't.

I haven't been to Kung Fu since 3 weeks ago. I can easily sneak my way out of it. I hate it. I noe it is supposed to treat me how to defend myself and all but....IT SUCKS!!! It's hard work i'll tell you that. I have never hurt,sweat, worked out so much in my life. It is crazy in that dojo or whatever the heck it's called. My mom is staying at the Hyatt hotel anyway so she won't even know if i don't go 2moro :). Yesss!!!

BRought TO YoU By boRdEm LAnD

Xtra virgin

I was listening to Halo by beyonce just little while ago. The song talks about Beyonce tearing down her protection to let the most holy guy she has ever met into her heart. She finally believes she has found the right one. Sometimes i love to hear stories through music. not only does it inspire me but it shows me that stories come in all forms. I love to write. Life stories are the best because they are more real than you can possibly imgaine.

I love love. I was admiring the Obamas the other day and it made me realize love does exist. Maybe only in a distance but it is still there. You have to try and look for it. In very few cases does love come to you. Once you find love there is only a slight possibilty that you will realize it right away. It could take years before you notice. And if you take too long someone else could take that love away from you. Maybe on purpose or not.....

In other news my title had nothing to do with my post. I did that to throw off track of what i was really going to write. LARRY is the next topic. Like i said for some reason a lot ofmy posts have to do with him. If you don't know who the heck he is....you might wanna retrace your steps a bit. He is all over my old posts. We were on AIM again last night and...and well this time things got deep. We were talking about how crazy i was (not mentally) and i asked him if he hated my crazziness. He said he LOVED it. I awwwwwed him and i knew he was blushing on the other side of the spectrum. Now im not saying he loved me. I;m justsaying he loves my personality. And he already knows how he feels about how i look. Everyone who went to camp with us does. hehehehe.

So i was just watching THE MIST....A nasty and scary movie....Whewww it was my first time..lol that was soo crazy....g2g my bf is on myspace and we soo need to talk after what happened last night!!!

Brought To Yoou Buy Boredem land